August 16, 2011
Jinja, Uganda
I’m feeling rather introspective and reflective tonight, so this post reflects that. Forewarned is forearmed, so they say. :)
After having finished my dinner of red beans and rice (which is delicious), I am on the girls’ front porch with my little Netbook in my lap. The sunset is beautiful tonight, its orange tint just barley touching the purple-gray rainclouds rolling in. The little flocks of birds that fly through appear starkly against that backdrop and their calls are easy to hear without the noise of cars or buses to drown them out. The breeze is cool and rustles through the long leaves of the palm trees that tower at least 30 feet above me. All in all, the stillness and beauty of this country is very apparent tonight and I could almost think I was in some kind of resort. That is, if I didn’t know there was a man outside who has just gone through our garbage, and clouds of fruit flies in the house, and little whimpers from tiny babies floating through the window beside me.
Last night with the babies was quieter for everyone. Mama Faith came and took care of AR so the rest of us took shifts by twos through the night with E. The babies have definitely improved, although the last few days have been difficult for everyone involved. Today we gave ourselves a break from dirty diapers and I.V.’s by going into town for lunch. Getting out of the house felt SO awesome.
This afternoon we went to a weekly clinic run about 5 minutes walk from Mandie’s run by Katie Davis in her home, a 23 year old amazing young woman living here in Jinja. It was quieter today than normal, apparently, with only around 12 people and their children coming through in the two hours the clinic ran. The extent to which my physical helping extended was to assist in giving two malaria tests and grabbing a few medicines from the closest that functions as dispensary. I did get to observe a lot though. I saw wounds being cleaned and evacuated, HIV testings, nursing babies, old burns, new sores, and a lot of other things…I saw a lot in that sun-filled front porch. I felt there a sense of vulnerability in those coming and compassion in those attending that was a beautiful picture of grace. They needed help, and when they came and asked for it and the waited for the time it could be given, the help was given graciously and with individualized focus. I think I saw a picture of the way God sees our needs today. Katie knew that there was need, so the clinic was open for anyone who would come. Those who chose to come were humble (or desperate) enough to ignore any pride and to ask for help. When they asked, help was freely given with no strings attached. It’s a unique combination of initiative, humility, vulnerability, action, and waiting all mixed together. Interestingly, though, all five aspects need to be practiced by both groups (the needers and the givers) in order for the exchange to function well…
I noticed another thing while sitting and listening to Katie, Mandie and Courtney attend to the people at the clinic. I became poignantly aware of how much there is to know in the world. It’s so obvious, but it hit me in a different way today than it had before. To realize that no matter how much I learn or how much I know that there will always be more that’s unknown, more that I can choose to discover (or not to discover) makes me exited. Call me a nerd; call me passionate; or just call me a twenty-one year old. Actually, now that I think of it, call me all three! I’m passionately nerdy twenty-one year old who is becoming acutely aware of the vastness that is life. :)
Mandie, my sister, wrote a powerful blog post today on the gift of the Now, appreciating and living in the current situation in which you are living. I have been realizing that, over the years, my love of efficiency and looking forward to the future has kept me from really experiencing my now. Not that efficiency and the future are bad things, quite the contrary, but I had my balances wrong with too little attention to the present. In the last seven to ten months or so, I have been more intentional in my attention to the present, trying to balance it with my natural tendency to focus mostly on planning and the future. That being said, in the last few days, I have been finding myself becoming restless and impatient with my present: the flies and the vomit and the power going out and the lack of sleep. It came in flashes, but it was still there. When I read Mandie’s post though, it was like a mental step-back for me. I simply decided to live in this present, in this now, acknowledging the good and the bad, the smelly and the sweet, the tired and the energy, the frustration and the fun. I don’t have to like it necessarily; sometimes I really don’t. But by not focusing my mind simply on what’s coming next, I’m more available, mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually, to the people and the situations that comprise my now. It’s so logical, and since I love logic so much, you think I’d have already figured this out. But, truly, I love the fact that I will never stop learning. Maybe it’s not so bad that this is just one of the things I’m getting to learn now. In my Now. I’m learning about my Now now. Ironic…
But that’s cool too, because in addition to logic, I dearly love irony. :)
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